Couples Therapy in San Francisco
Couples Therapy
Relationships are one of the most vital and potentially rewarding ways in which we can feel both secure and alive, which is why I’m interested in helping to guide you through the work of building healthy relationships and giving you the tools to learn how to be your true and most authentic self.
My work with couples is guided by my training in Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT). EFT is a humanistic, evidence-based approach that draws primarily from attachment theory to facilitate the creation of secure, vibrant connection with self and others. Rooted in the science of emotions and attachment, EFT helps couples identify and transform the negative processing and interaction patterns that create distress.
My role as your couple’s counselor is to deescalate existing tensions, facilitate acceptance and compassion of one another so underlying needs can be met, and help couples find new communication strategies and skills that allows your relationship to transform into a healing environment for both partners.
Detailed Description of Emotion Focused Therapy for Couples (EFT)
EFT can help couples reduce emotional reactivity to one another by creating a temporary model of a “safe haven.” In this mutually supportive environment blaming/shaming, finding the bad guy and who’s right or who’s wrong, can be set aside so that each person can feel heard and understood in new ways. With EFT I help couples to express themselves in better ways so that the hidden validity of their most authentic feelings can be understood. Gradually, their reactive interactions slow-down and calm down. As fear of their partners dismissiveness, rejection and anger diminish, escalation recedes. This leads to a softening of the blaming and lessening of distancing patterns that are barriers to reconnection. This mutually supportive “safe haven” invites the understanding and empathy that allows a major shift and restores loving feelings. My commitment to you is to help each of you see and understand the validity of your feelings and how they pull you into the negative patterns in which you are stuck. Even when someone has acted inappropriately and has hurt his/her partner, I avoid judgments and criticism.
My approach is to create safety so that people feel encouraged to be open and disclose vulnerable feelings. In such an empathic and supportive environment, a person is far more likely to take responsibility for negative behaviors and for hurting his/her partner. Through EFT, I can coach and encourage you to structure new interactions that help you to sustain an enduring and loving relationship My goal is to have you take these skills home with you to create your own “safe haven.”
Common issues addressed in Couples Therapy
Some areas of focus in Couples work include:
Relational Discord
Repairing Ruptures and Rebuilding Trust
Parenting/Co-parentings
Infidelity
Open Relationship/Polyamory
Queer Relationships
Couples Therapy FAQs
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The length of couples therapy depends on serveral factors, but typically I work with couples in 75 minute sessions for a duration of 6-12 appointments. The number of sessions may increase with the complexity of the issue at heart- some couples see me no more than 6 sessions, others may take closer to 20 sessions.
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First of all, it’s quite understandable that someone is reluctant at first to see a complete stranger about such person matters as an intimate relationship. Often one partner is more interested or reluctant that the other. My commitment to you is to help each of you see and understand the validity of your feelings and how they pull you into the negative patterns in which you are stuck. Even when someone has acted inappropriately and has hurt his/her partner, I avoid judgments and criticism and facilitate a space for curiosity and compassion for the other.
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As a couples therapist, I am committed to impartiality and to the well-being of the relationship as my primary focus. This means I do not allow partners to be cruel or verbally abusive. If you or your partner should ever feel you’re being misunderstood by me or being unfairly treated, please let me know so it can be addressed. I I am sincerely committed to creating a therapeutic environment where each of you feels safe, fully understood, and treated fairly and equally.
